May 17, 2024 2:15 PM is a day that will forever be the day when my world stopped spinning.
August 18th of 2023 my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that had metastasized to the nearby mediastinal lymphnodes. Never did we think her prognosis was grim we just knew she had to fight with everything she had and we had to support her.
In September my mom started chemo but before chemo started she had a bronch, the doctor came in and said she was completely blocked no air moving- he would do everything he could but he couldn’t guarantee. I was a mess the procedure seemed to last all day, I heard our name and ran to thr desk where the doctor was standing- he said your mom is fine and I was able to debulk the tumor and place a stent. The relief that rushed over me was immense. After the procedure we went home and prepared to begin chemo the next week.
chemo didn’t seem to bother my mom at first anyway she still ate and had energy. Then in October it started hitting her and with each week’s treatments it seemed to get worse.
hospital trips
Over the next several months we had several trips to the ER for pneumonia seemed the same every time 2 types of antibiotics, lots of labs and fluids. Each hospitalization I watched my mom get weaker and weaker.
I was heartbroken. This was not my strong, vibrant mommy. She was getting tired, how am I going to live without her? The doctors and nurses kept encouraging me – she would get better, just had to get her strength back.
Talking about home
One day mom started talking about home and I knew she wasn’t talking about our house. If my love could have kept her here she would have lived forever!!! This world is not our home, we are just passing through.
Oh to think my mom is breathing with new lungs free from pain and sickness makes my heart so happy!!!
The days leading to moms homecoming
I knew it was getting harder for her, she was in more pain all of a sudden, and my mom was never one to complain she was tough!!! (She still is tough so strong)
I had been working for 2 weeks to get my mom admitted to encompass to help rehabilitate her get her strength back and feeling better, I spent hours on thr phone with doctors, social workers, insurance company, rehab admissions.
Meanwhile I did our own therapy at home.
Wednesday we had a very difficult morning and it was just me and mom I got down beside her and said mom what are we doing? What do you want? I grabbed her hand- she looked up at me and said I want to go home! I said okay that is what we will do I will get hospice.
I leaned down hugged mom sobbing, she said to me I am so sorry you are sad, I said mom it’s okay I am going to be sad for a very long time!
I got on the phone with doctors and hospice, and 45 mins later, she was admitted to home based hospice care.
The next hours was a big blur, people in and out the guy from hospice said you have 3 days I was in shock what do you mean 3 days?
Called the family in and her closest friends I stayed by her side day and night.
The Lord comforted me in knowing she would leave in morning time(nights had been the scariest times for us the past 9 months, God was good to take her home in the daylight. He told me that it would be me, mom’s sister and Kelli our friend and personal nurse.
Friday morning was slightly chaotic
Then it was calm. I went to get ready for the day, I hadn’t been gone for 5 minutes l, my aunt came to get me something was wrong, I ran to my mom’s side, I called hospice, they advised to up her dose of comfort meds.
I called Kelli to come, she came gave her meds, and moments later she was gone away from us but home with our loved ones and with Jesus.
I miss her so much it physically hurts, I will see her again soon!!!
It has now been 2 months living here without her, I am 2 months closer to seeing her again. My mom is part of my past, a huge part of my past but better than that my mom is part of my future.
The time apart is hard, sad, lonely, and it hurts but like waiting for that most exciting family vacation, Christmas morning, or celebration I am eagerly awaiting our reunion!
Love you mom forever in eternity, I hope I am making you proud- you taught me everything I know
Love you
Danielle