getting picked last
I remember when I was little at school in gym(my least favorite class) we would line up and the teacher would pick 2 students to be “team captains” and they would go out to the middle of the gym floor and look back at the line up of kids they had to pick from. I knew in my heart of hearts that I would always get picked last, it wasn’t fun, but after awhile I got used to it and it didn’t bother me anymore, because I knew I wasn’t the best at gym and the sports or games we were getting picked for so getting picked last was obvious to me.
Growing up this continued in everything and each time it would hurt a little less because I just pushed that emotion deeper and deeper.
So here I am at 33 and it is that same feeling all over again except this time it is LIFE.
I feel like I am pretty good at life I have 3 college degrees, I have 4 medical certifications, I have a successful career, I feel like I am a good friend and would do anything for anyone if I could and yet I sit here alone waiting to get picked.
This is probably harder to deal with and come to terms with than getting picked last in gym class or at recess. I mean what is wrong? so I begin going through the list; perhaps I am just not….pretty enough, skinny enough, outdoorsy enough, athletic enough, smart enough, funny enough, maybe I am just not good enough.
Then I snap back to reality and realize that God made me beautiful inside and out he made me unique and he says I am enough he says I am more than enough! So yea I may have a tummy but oh well that shows that I am healthy and have enough to eat… I love to go outside now didn’t used to but now I love outside can’t stand the bugs but love outside:)… Athletic, well I am never going to be athletic so oh well… Who gets a 4.0 and graduates two degrees with very high honors, yep this girl did and managed to pass 4 very hard board exams and was a college instructor for 9 years I am smart enough!…I think I am pretty funny most of the time anyway, I am a lot of fun to be around that would depend but most of the time I would say that yes I am fun to be around… I am good enough because God says so!
I am finally at 34 coming to terms with my singlehood, I wont say that I don’t cry myself to sleep or feel lonely most of the time but I know and understand that there is a greater reason I am single right now and for such a time as this I am going to enjoy every minute that I possibly can, I am going to look for the positives in everything and I choose to be happy!
Me being single at 34 has nothing to do with me not being good enough, not being pretty enough, not being smart enough, not being skinny not being athletic. Me being single is all part of Gods great awesome amazing plan that he has for me and I have chosen to rejoice in that.
Guess what I can do during this time, this season of my life that all of my married with kids cannot do?
- I can pick up and travel anywhere I choose when I choose to and with who I choose to go with!
- I can eat what I want where I want and with whoever I want
- I can do what I want where I want and with whoever I want
- I can spend my own hard earned money how I choose to do so
- I go to bed when I want
- I get up out of bed when I want
- No one to tell me what to do or what not to do(this is great because I have become very independent…so when that person does come into the picture we will have to work on that) 🙂
So see there are so many positives to being single at 33, I know that with each of those things listed there is an equal negative such as having someone beside you to experience life and walk through life with that part is a missing puzzle piece, but just like working a puzzle you end up finding that missing piece
I don’t spend my days looking for that puzzle piece, I did for years and I wore myself out, I am turning that over to God, in his perfect timing he will reveal the missing piece to me!
So are you still waiting to get picked, are you feeling alone like it will never happen?
I am here to encourage you that it will happen or maybe it won’t but know that it is all part of Gods plan for you!
I am defintely tired of people saying Mr. Right is out there you just have to find him, or it will happen one day.
What if it doesnt happen? What if I never find “mr. Right” (I do not like that phrase at all but whatever)
Am I going to be sad the rest of my life? No
Am I going to sit around and wait for him to come? No- Life is a great gift and we have to live everyday to the fullest and I will not just sit here feeling sorry for myself, please dont you either, okay
We can be strong independent women don’t let anyone tell you any differently if a man is supposed to be in your life or is the one that God has for you(has for me) then he will appreciate our strong independent nature!
I hope this has encouraged you today, put your trust in God and live life everyday to the fullest be happy and realize that it will happen one day or it wont happen and be okay with that
hint… you are allowed to be sad when everyone around you is getting engaged, married, and having babies sad for yourself but always happy for your friends!
There are plenty of single women out there who feel they are alone, the last to be picked. Maybe last in their small circle but not alone in this world.
I pray each of of you reading this post finds peace and knows you are just how God made you and this is all part of His plan.