Grief is a funny thing

No but seriously it really is… one day you can be perfectly fine and the next day you are a tear filled mess, maybe it is even as quick as moment to moment.

Why is it that some experience great loss while others seem to never experience loss? Good question and one that I dont think will be answered here on earth.

So people grieve differently some grieve publically while others (like myself) grieve very privately. For me it is such a private thing… it is something that I can do alone without many watching or hovering over me giving me a lot of unnecessary attention. (Contrary to popular belief, I cant stand attention, negative… positive, I want to fade into the background).

22 years ago I was 10 years old when God called my Dad home. The absence of my dad hurts more today than it did all those years ago. I was just a child, not truly understanding the magnitude of him making his trip to heaven.

I know that I grew up very fast and since it was just my mommy and me we became so close and she taught me how to be an independent woman. By independent knowing how to take care of myself without a man, work pay bill’s, cook, clean, change lightbulbs, be the handyman around the house.

I am beyond thankful for that because today 22 years later I can say that I am a strong Indepedent woman(not independent from God… please understand that I am 100% dependent on God… but for earthly things I am independent😁 I can take care of myself and I transitioned from adolescent to adulthood smoothly and almost effortlessly.

The public type grievers are somewhat annoying to me, and maybe it is because I am somewhat jealous, 10 years old and yes they were 10 precious years that I will forever treasure but only 10 years… most of the time public grievers had much more time than that so there are photos, videos and memories that well I just dont have. To beat all I dont have many photos because he was always behind the camera…😥

So I recently had a friend tell me that it was easier for me since I wasn’t grown, I hadn’t had the vision of my dad walking me down the aisle and well I was just a kid, that those that loose their dad in adulthood it is harder. WOW…really?!?!? well I am glad that they thought so… but I had visions of my dad walking me down the aisle even at 10, I wanted him to also take my wedding photos and I distinctly remember trying to figure out how I was going to make that happen, how would he walk me down the aisle and take pictures😁

I think no matter your age when you lose a loved one and no matter how the loss happens it is going to be hard just the same, and time doesnt heal it just helps you to deal, the hurt never goes away.

I will say though when a child like myself looses a loved one like a parent it is so hard because all of the milestones are then missed: elementary middle school, high school, undergrad, grad school graduation, drivers license, first job, and so many more.

Gone is gone no matter how it happened!!!

I think people expect me to be okay, and if they knew that I was sad they would be surprised… it is because of the Lord with the help of my church family that I am able to be happy on the outside😊

It is truly the weirdest feeling to be happy and joyful on the outside but falling apart on the inside…this has become our new normal.

Grieve how you need to grieve… and remember that no 2 people are going to grieve the exact same way…All I can ask is to not forget it will be the best most supportive thing you can do is NOT forget!!!

Although bad things happen and we dont understand why
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.– Roman’s 8:28

God will take our mess and turn it into His message he will take our storm and turn it into a rainbow

Cling to the only anchor that can help… Jesus!!! He will whisper sweet peace to thee❤

This was a very personal blog post(not usually this heavy) hopefully it will help someone to know you aren’t alone… and remember the God of the Mountain is still God in the Valley!!!

Praise The Lord

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